This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
