His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
