i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
