what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
