let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
