Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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