Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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