i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize