I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She tied me up with her honor cords...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
