Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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