1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
