That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
