My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
