Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
