I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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