I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
