I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
