Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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