tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
