For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
