we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's never too late to be topless.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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