I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
