Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
