Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
