I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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