I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
