R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
