When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Still dying that you shit outside
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
