non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
