I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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