Whatcha textin bout Willis?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
