I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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