So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
