I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
