Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
