we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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