If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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