I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
