i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
