Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize