And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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