I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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