My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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