I got chris browned last night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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