I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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