there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
