I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
