Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
