I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize