3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
