3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
