I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
