It was like getting head from an anaconda
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
