I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
