he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
false alarm, still single
Randomize