hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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