He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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