There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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