He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i out mim tonsoeep
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize