READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
