so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
