I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
