2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
