Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
