I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
