yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
