Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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