Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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