i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
