So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
