Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
