Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
