wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
