the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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