I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
