i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
