i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
