she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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