"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
