Too much gin, very little bucket
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
