Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
