Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
