did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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