I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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