i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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