it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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