using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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