All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
