I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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