Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize