i already hear my dad disowning me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
