this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You smell like stripper and shame
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
