There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
