is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
