there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There r osticjed everywhere
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
