A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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