I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
